Udder Juice: Good, bad or just plain ugly?

World Record Breaking Week for mass simultaneous breast feeding.

Saw a woman the other day on the 159 bus breast feeding her child.

I was initially aghast and thought angrily that if they can ban nearly every bloody thing that people could object to [its always some fucking thing], Why haven't they banned breast feeding in public venues? [especially restaurants]

Where unsuspecting, innocent customers are forced to have the ghastly eye sore of some bloated woman plopping her boob out on the table and attaching her pudgy child to it?

This 'bus woman'; was a tiny little Filipino but even so her cleavage was somewhere near her navel [what with shitting out 2 kids and all]. I was unfortunate enough to see a frighteningly large, over sized nipple being violent grabbed by this rubbery, rat like child as it hung off her giant tit. A truly hideous vision.

Had it been at a restaurant I'd probably have gone off my lunch.

Now, I have no objection to breasts in public. Should any attractive [non-pregnant] women with perky busts choose for whatever reason to remove their tops in public, I would happily welcome and embrace it [and them].

'Hooters' is a shining example of exploiting this philosophy.

Unfortunately women who've shunted out a few kids that been hanging off their teats for some time......well, its bound to go a bit [fuck loads] down hill ['down' being the operative word].

One must have a really brilliant, upstanding bosom to be so brazen against all the odds of gravity.

So, to recap my Objections:

1. Unattractive women
2. Unpleasant nipples
3. Flabby breasts

These breeding feeding bitches must be banned I thought.

Then I happened to recall Adam's tale of wonder

He mentioned it some time at the pub a couple of weeks ago and I found it to be a highly amusing anecdote.

As he was leaving his pub in Soho after work one day, this drunk woman came walking along down the street. She was really nicely dressed, a nice skirt, attractive. Trendy.

She suddenly started lifting her skirt up to passers by. Within minutes she had a little gaggle of people surrounding her, leering and cheering [as they do] making no attempt to stop her as she flashed everyone, touched herself, bent over and fondled her bits some more.

A man ran up out of the audience, knelt down and stuck his head under her skirt while she wrapped one leg around his head. She must have been off hers I'm sure, but at this point the spoil sports that are the police came running, put an end to the show and carted her off in a van [probably in a straight jacket].

I've decided that this kind of public entertainment should really be encouraged.

There are certainly Some Pros with regards to women breast feeding in public:

1. Compulsive Viewing: The Side Show Carnies

While this activity, performed by largely unattractive, motherly women is repulsive in every sense of the word, you still can't help but look.

Those huge UFO saucer nipples, the disgusting, snotty brat slurping and sucking and making those squelching sounds. It's like a car crash: It's vile. Its wrong. You know you need to turn away but you just can't stop yourself from staring.

There's something so grotesque about it all that I cant help but feel that purely to gawp in disgust is greatly entertaining. In medieval days we had the village idiot and public hangings; today we have pregnant women and public breast feeding.

It seems a fair price to pay for all the revolting strollers blocking up the pavement near Brixton tube. [If congestion charging ever hits the breeders the council would make a fucking packet.]

After all whats wrong with a freak show now and then? So what if the breasts in question that would only ever feature in a 3rd rate porn mag like 'Housewives Monthly' or 'Hot for Grandma'? [3rd rate of course, is a matter of opinion. With some 'Hot for Grandma' might be real top notch quality]

What a freaky picture. Why is she still breast feeding them??
They're big enough to tackle a well done steak by now. God thats sick.

2. Practicality: Your own personal comfort

At the very least if the brats mouth is firmly clamped around its parents nipple, it cant make a fucking racket while you're trying to eat and [as per point 1.] there's a free show no extra charge to go along with it. Side order of chicken madam? No, just some tart please.

3. A Cautionary Tale:

Protective and anxious mothers can clip their teenage daughters on the ear, point at maternal bra-less gargoyles with parasite latched firmly, and caution them against promiscuity.

"See that? Is that what you want to look like? When you're 18??? I'm telling you right now, and that wretched boyfriend of yours, you better damn well use protection! You hear me? Just look at that! Look at her! No I want you to look!"

"Ma leave me alone!! Oh mah gowad!! I not having a baby ok???? Gowad I hate you!" [says Riddhi]

It also slams the illusion of having kids being this wonderful, glowing, beautiful thing and brings you right back down to the grim putrid reality of all the sludge like things you'd have have oozing out of you [and your kid] for a good long while.

4. Purely on Principle:

I'm against this infuriating banning of things the second someone voices a complaint. Piss off you prudes I say.

It is now in fact illegal in Scotland to dare ask a woman to stop breast feeding in public. I can only then Question:

If it's acceptable for a woman to squirt juice out of her nipples, thus forcing other diners to purge their lovely dinners, what's stopping anyone else from squirting out other kinds of liquids?

[I must ask, indeed I must].

A man might feel an urge swell suddenly in his pants, can he not have a good old go right there and then at the table?

Isn't it unhealthy to hold it in, say doctors? Causes stress, high blood pressure, might damage sperm and thus damage the future children of the nation and all that rubbish they spout whenever they decided to ban or enforce anything.

If women are allowed to make freak shows out of themselves, squirting milk out their udders I do believe a man ought to be able to as well. Not discreetly either. No. He should wank with pride right on his desert plate.

15% gratuity, thank you sir. No, no. Thank you.

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The National Childbirth Trust - Breastfeeding Awareness

Breastfeeding in public — experiences

“I went out because my baby was crying and so I started to feed to her. The attendant came up and asked me to leave. I didn't feel I could argue with her then and there and I won't be going back.”

Sadly, there are places where breastfeeding is still considered unacceptable. [Oh dear]

We know that there are still far too many women who feel they either have to rush out between feeds, stay at home most of the time or stop breastfeeding. [Its a call to arms NIP-ers!. I've discovered NIP is the term for B.F.in.P - breast feeding in public. Not sure what it stands for though. Nipple Impromptu Preview? Nations Idlest Person? Naturally Insulated Penis? Nono's Irate Pimp?]

Women in the UK have widely differing attitudes and feelings about breastfeeding outside the home.

Some women have no concerns about feeding in public. [slags] Others feel hesitant about the idea, [slightly more discreet slags] often because they are worried about being challenged about what they are doing. [KGB]

Personal experiences [fuck no, not me]

The legal position is unclear but it has been suggested that stopping a woman from breastfeeding could constitute discrimination under the Sex Discrimination Act. [My basis for also allowing men to emit fluids at will. For medical necessity obviouly]

These women were upset and humiliated but sufficiently assertive to contact us and write letters of complaint. There will be many other women who do not feel confident enough to breastfeed outside their own home again. [What a sob story]

Consider these statistics from recent UK surveys:

• 50% of all women who had breastfed their baby had never tried to breastfeed in a public place. [Thank god]
  
• When their babies were 4-5 months old, 40% of breastfeeding mothers said they.d had problems finding somewhere to feed their babies in public compared with 24% of bottle feeding mothers.
  
• 98% of mothers thought that shops/shopping centres should provide facilities for feeding babies and 78% also thought restaurants should.
  

If more women were supported to breastfeed when they were out and about with their baby, it would help to break the cycle that keeps breastfeeding hidden and perpetuates a bottle-feeding culture.

“I was just sitting in the corridor, no one was about, I was shocked to be shouted at for feeding my baby. I felt as if I had been assaulted." [I am actually sympathetic to this quote. See? I'm not a total horror of a human being]

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Ps - What the hell is a 'bottle-feeding culture' [mentioned so scathingly too]?

And why is it so wrong?

Have they now suddenly decided [i.e made up statistics] that bottle-fed kids grow up into gays and crack addicts?

Anyway I've decided to be all gonzo for it now. Free shows for everyone!

This pictures fascinates and freaks me out in equal measure